Just hurry up and squat!

The other night we all made a night run to Walmart. We needed to pick up a few things for the next day so the whole family went. We picked up a few things here and there and then we decided we’d split up. My wife went to get some things from the grocery section while I looked through the electronics and DVD’s. So I was looking around while my daughter tried to see how many things she could knock off of the shelves with the shopping cart.

Then she said it. Softly at first. Almost in a tone that you can ignore sometimes. But not this time. Then she said it again…”Poo-poo.” Normally I’d let her mom take her. But she was over on the other side of the store. Walmart probably doesn’t have the cleanest of toilets in their men’s room, so normally I’d wait til we got home and deal with it then (Poo-poo usually means pee-pee too.)

But this time was different because she didn’t have a diaper on. She had Big Girl Underwear on. And she was telling me she had to go in the Big Girl Potty. So we speed through Walmart hoping to get to the restroom before she lets loose. We get there and walk into the stall. Cleaner than some, but not “clean” if you catch my drift. Thankfully there were no doodles or creative writing on the walls.

I put the toilet seat paper donut thingy down and tried to get her to sit calmly on it. But a little girl has to MOVE on the pot doesn’t she? She likes to lean back with her hands on the seat to prop/balance. And she’d start to touch the nasty part that who knows what has touched. I’d go “NO! don’t touch that…!” Then she’d look up at me quickly. So I figured we’d try just toilet paper. So I got strips and strips of paper to coat the seat and tried that. But she’d shift and shimmy and move it off. So…last thing to try. Stand on the seat, then squat and pee in the water. But she had no patience for that and I was losing patience with her. But she HAD to go before we left that bathroom. She had Big Girl Panties on! That means Dad will get wet before long if she doesn’t go right now.

So, in our frustration with each other, she begins to do the worse thing she could do … cry. Maybe she had performance anxiety or something. But then the 2nd worst thing that could happen happened….someone came in the bathroom. I’m sure they were wondering why there was a man in a bathroom stall saying “It’s okay. It’s okay. Be quiet. Don’t cry.” in hushed tones and was accompanied by the whimpers of a young girl. I was afraid who ever it was would think I was abducting a girl and/or abusing her in the men’s room of a small town Walmart. [The worst thing, btw, would have been if it was a policeman.]

Anyway, I convinced her to hold it til we got home. We put her Big Girl Panties back on and mom was waiting for us near the checkout lines. We made it home all dry.