To be honest, I have nothing to write.
I want to write, but I just stare at the screen. So I guess I’ll write about my life. No one really reads this. Only two people right now other than me. So I’ll take a dive and then maybe clean it up later.
But I belive I’ve been called to a life of purpose. I guess I believe we all have, but I’m confident that I have been. But the word purpose has become so cliche lately. I read most of Purpose Driven Church, then Purpose Driven Youth Ministry. Both were good books that had lots of meat in them. But then Purpose Driven Life came out, and while still a great book, it made “purpose driven” a phrase that is now cliche.
But I think I have a problem in that I’m not that driven. Again, I believe fully that God has a plan and purpose for me. I also believe that He wants to use me to accomplish things. His things. Things for His Kingdom. Now this is not because I’m Mr. Big Stuf or anything, but just that He wants to work through me for HIS purposes: purposes that are scattered among family, relationships, ministry/work, intercessory prayer, being a witness, etc.
But lots of times I think I get in the way of Him. Not that little me can thwart Big God. But that I don’t live up to my calling. I let my laziness, my apathy, my low self esteem, my poor time management screw things up. I seem to aim at getting by too much.
Getting by is not what I’ve been called to. The dude that burried his “talent” in the dirt until the Master got back was just hoping to “get by”. And the Master called him wicked! That’s harsh. And the Master took away that money and gave it to the guy who was sticking his neck out and trying to increase the gifts given by the Master.
Why am I scared? Why won’t I admit I’m scared unless it’s late at night? What have I to fear if the Lord is with me? Nothing. If He’s called me to do something, then won’t He be with me in the thick of things? Even if I mess up or falter, will He not uphold me with His right hand? Of course He will! Sheesh!
So if you get to read this before I get scared of being transparent and delete this…pray for me. Pray that I have some personal revival. I need to spend a lot of time, one on one, with the Master. I need to let Him share His wisdom with me. But I need to make sure I make the time to do that. I want to crawl up into His lap and just let Him hold me. That’s so much more important that the things I busy my life with.